a letter to my dear darling

my dear nani,

how was the new place, nak ?

i heard you arrived nearly midnight.
and you were very good during the 8 hours car ride.
i was nervous to learn that you would be in the car that long.
since you don’t like a car ride at all.
i understand son la, your new place is far much colder than hanoi.

i can’t stop thinking about you.
even when i left you here in hanoi 2 months ago.

yesterday after you left, i can’t stop crying.
sitting cluelessly on the kitchen floor.
ended up giving myself swollen eyes.

i hate goodbye.
i hate it so much.
this is my second time with you.

i think i lived in a dream for 4 days.
had you around again.
hold you in my arms again.
kissed-kissed.
sniffed-sniffed.
played all those silly games with you.
had my arms and legs decorated with all your scratches again.

darling, be a good boy, ok ?
don’t be too naughty.
don’t act like a super cat, nak.
it’s totally a different world over there.
you used to have me around before, who protected you.
now, i am no longer around.
remember that.

just be a good boy, ok?
no need to climb nor jump here and there like you used to do.
don’t get hurt, ok ?

please limit yourself in damaging things in the house.
you may damage my things, i won’t mind.
but now, it is totally different, boy.

be strong, will ya ?
like you did for the last 2 months since i left.
even you lost a lot of weight and have a scar on your neck.
but you managed to hanging tough.
do it again, will ya ?

miracle do happen, dear.
with the fact, at the last minute martin and christine are willing to adopt you.
it’s a miracle, don’t you think so ?

i hope another miracle will come to us again pretty soon.
we will never know, life is full of surprises as i told you many times.
perhaps you would be in my arms again.
like before, like the old days.
showering each other again with our love.

i hope you like the new doll.
stay cool with your toys, ok ?
make them last long.

please eat a lot like before, nak.
gain your weight back.
get chubby again.

dear darling,
if only you could talk like in the movie of dr. dolittle…
i will call you from time to time.
once christine is back, i will see you from her webcam, ok?

i love you deeply.
no doubt about it.
and i know you know how much i love you, dear.

be a good boy.
let me do all the praying.
hoping God will give us a way.
so we could be together again.

dear darling nani,
i am not saying goodbye now.
let’s keep our fingers cross.
hoping always for the best.

do take care, dear boy

you would be always in my heart.

love,
mom